During this section of my first year I struggled a lot as my biggest weakness is reading and writing. I always find it hard to put what I am thinking and what I want to express in writing and even harder to make it academic and of a high level. I never thought I would finish secondary school with good grades let alone making it to university so the pressure of the high level work and information was very scary. I knew there was a written aspect to the corse, as with all, and a smaller percentage of that in my first year which worried me as I felt like I would look stupid in compression to the other students but after a few weeks I realised that maybe I had a chance and I was still able to do what I love for at least a little while longer.
Overall I feel like I gave constellation this year my best shot, to helped myself by going to all of my constellation sessions, using the lectures to the best of my ability and my own reading tried to familiarise myself with the subject area i would be later writing on. I learnt a lot about sonic arts as I was writing the piece, so paragraph by paragraph I learnt and researched what was going to be need in that section. I am very proud of my final outcome as reading it from an outsiders perspective you wouldn’t know how much I have struggled with it, but personally I see it as a personal achievement that I can look upon of how I managed to over come my biggest fear and motivate myself.
When I first started this essay I was very scared of how to approach it and turn it into something that would allow me to carry on doing what I love. I came to the conclusion when starting that I have a very large fear of essays and everything they come with them because it is all my weaknesses being challenged and pushed. I guessed I also struggled with letting lecturers and tutors know how much I was struggling with the task.
Looking into sound art, I have always been interested in it but after having lecture on it I was no more inspired, but then after researching into the the area of the subject I found most compelling, Visual Sound Art, I was suddenly inspired and deeply interested in the discipline. I know that from these sessions we are supposed to practise for our dissertation but I guess we are also supposed to explore new disciplines and get inspiration that we that can bring back to our own individual work.
Specifically with the writing of the essay the most I struggled with the word count at the end and only managed the lowest possible limit that was allowed, this I feel could be what lets my piece of work down and produces a fail. But also i feel like the content could have been researched more allowing the pice to even more in-depth and produced to a more higher academic standard.
My personal success would be passing this part of the year with a pass, like I guess it is for everyone else, but also I had my own smaller victory when I realised that I had written half of the essay which to everyone else seems like just part of the job we had to do, but for me it was such an emotional time as I never thought I would be able to complete one paragraph. I have learnt a lot during this even though it was the last thing I wanted to do and I feel I am a better artist for doing this as my knowledge has been broadened but also as a person because I proved to myself what I can do and persevered with something I wanted to run away and hide form. I don’t know if this will improve my confidence when it coms to next year but over all at the moment I believe that this is going to have a positive effect on my next two years, not only with my writing but also with my work.